Ooof. Football. You givith and you taketh away. I was so excited coming off of last week. Pats looked dominant, double fantasy wins, still alive in my office elminator and pick'em pools. And now?
I'm in a glass cage of emotion. Writing poonball just reminds me that a. The patriots lost. b. Hernandez is hurt (and I benefited from his injury fantasy-wise), and c. I could get pooned in both my leagues. Oh and I'm already knocked out of my office eliminator pool. Fuck you very much Oakland Raiders.
Anyway. I present a very bitter and lazy rundown of the pooning opportunities....
The Tasteful Nudes vs. Hot Spicey Beef - Hey, how come my team always gets listed first? Because fuck you thats why. So Dr. TimmyJeff can snatch a victory if Matt Ryan can put up 31 points. Against whoever the falcons are playing. I'm too lazy to look that up. Broncos? Sure why not. Chance of pooning = 8.94%
Gin and Juicers vs. Empty the Tank Andrew needs Eric Decker +9 to outlast Jay and Denver's defense. Good work on that Stephen Hill pickup Jay. That 0 points sure came in handy. Chance of pooning = 15.48%
The corporation vs clancy Atlanta reciver battle! 10 point game if Julio Jones can erase the deficit and hold off Rowdy Roddy White and some kicker who plays for one of the two teams involved then Paul might win. Chance of pooning = 21.99%
Wyley vs. Brett Its all over but the sharting. Way to go autodraft! Chance of pooning = 0.00%
NY Bailout vs. Regronklusoijfdsa;lkjds spkers (sorry sean your name is too hard to type): Holy shit Biz has Michael Turner but Sean has 93 pts and a 24 pt lead and his QB hasn't even played yet. He has a chance to really take a dump on Biz... who's probably into that kind of thing otherwise. Then again, Peyton Manning could come down with another case of the neck-aids (that's a real thing right Timmy?) and maybe Biz pulls this off. Chance of pooning = 0.943%
Cooters Grundel v. Houston Express Both teams have several uninteresting players left to go. I think some of them are running backs, maybe a receiver and maybe a concession stand popcorn vendor thrown into the mix. Whatever. Chance of pooning = 50%
So yeah, I mailed this one in. So did Brady, Josh McDaniels, the Patriots interior line and the replacement refs. I have a preemptive response for any objections:
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