Monday Night Poonball- Week 1

 

Damn it 7pm start time.  Two games on the docket for tonight so plenty of options for pooning.  In case anyone has forgotten, we are of course referring to:

Monday Night Poonball  (mndnt pnbôl)

n.

An American Football contest that results in a Fantasy Football Team, that was at a deficit prior to Monday night, winning a weekly match-up.

Paul thought he was going to win his weekly fantasy match-up but thanks to Monday Night Poonball he suffered an embarrassing loss and fell asleep in the bathroom while masturbating with his own tears. 

Now that we have that cleared up... onto the games!

The Tasteful Nudes v. Wyley's Pop-Culture Reference from 2010:  Wyley needs 45 combined points from Darious Heywar-Bey, Seabass Janikowski, and Philip Rivers.  Seems like a tall order for Rivers, but I'm confident his receivers will drop at least 30 pts worth of passes.  Chance of pooning = 29.37%

Andrew v. Paul:  Ah, the annual 'I hope they both lose' game.  As Paul pointed out there's just enough chance for Jermain Gresham to make up the difference in the first game and maybe not have that difference erased in the second game (which would be the first ever double-pooning) to keep him awake for both.  If the Football Gods are merciful, and they are generally not, Gresham won't score enough to tempt Andrew or Paul into watching the crapfest that is going to be San Diego v. Oakland.  Chance of pooning = 14.37%

Empty the Tank v. Cooters Grundel:  Kurt needs 25 points from Run DMC and Torrey Smith.  Yahoo projects they'll score a combined 18... so they'll either score 8 or 58.  Chance of pooning = 50.58%

Penis emoticon v. NY Bailout:  Over- unless the stat corrections flip a decision, for the first time ever in our league.  I'm not even sure what to call that- but it's definitely worse than a pooning.  Maybe a horse-fucking?  Like, man, I thought I won my game but I got horsefucked by a stat correction.  Chance of pooning = 0% , Chance of Horsefucking = 0.00001%

Power Bottoms v. Houston Express:  Clance needs 16 from Ray Rice and the Law Firm.  I think there's a good probability he gets it from Rice entirely.  Chance of pooning = 89.43% 

Hot Spicy Beef v. Labrie:  Sean is going to need a solid 21 from AJ Green to make the come-back, net of whatever Anquan Boldin scores.  Sadly Green will be going up against Baltimore's D on the road so.... yeah probably not.  Chance of pooning = 6.43%