Well that was an interesting week 2. There were some great games, both in the real world and in our make-believe football realm. Which makes me wonder- should we really be looking down our noses at grown men who play magic cards, dungeons and dragons, world of warcraft, and who engage in LARPing? Are we that much better then those nerds? With our fake team names and the way we talk about our players like we’re really owners / coaches? Are we any less lame for getting all worked up about one of “our” guys’ statistical performance?
Well are we? I’m seriously asking because LARPing looks aweeeeeesome and they get Lightning Bolts! where are our lightning bolts?
Anyway- Bigger group of nerds?
or
At least they have a chick in their picture.
I. Football Thoughts:
I’ll keep this short. The rule that allows a coach to call a timeout, a millisecond before the ball is snapped on a field goal, thus negating the play (whether the kick is missed or not), is the single worst thing in professional sports.
Ironically this is a picture of Mike Shannahan who had the timeout called against him, who’s kicker made a field goal but had it negated by the opposing team’s time out. He re-kicked and missed. The opposing team then had a chance at a game winning field goal but Shannahan elected NOT to do it to the opposing kicker who made the kick and won the game. This was the only picture I could find of a coach talking to multiple officials so whatever.
II. Random Thoughts:
Check out this alley next to my office. It’s just a good old fashioned alley. I feel like a lot of cities just don’t have these anymore. So much can happen in an alley- nearly of which is bad but that’s ok. They add character and a sense of danger to a city block. Not only is this alley a classic looking one- but all the sketchy things that you’d expect to see happen in an alley happen here. The local meth users LOVE it- apparently my co-workers have seen the cook from the restaurant on our first floor making out with one of the crack whores… so yeah, we don’t eat there. And does it smell like piss? Oh you better believe it smells like piss. How do I know it smells like piss? Well where else am I supposed to go to get a hand-job? None of your mothers live close by.
III. Recap:
Week two saw some interesting activity. NY Bail Out continued their efforts to put a stranglehold on last place with an astounding 42 point showing which allowed the prior year champ’s to sneak by with a pedestrian 78. I think we’re closing in on an answer as to whether or not the combined efforts, or lack there of, from Biz and Ryan would be equal to that of one competent owner. I look at it like this, let’s say you boarded an airplane and the flight attendant came over the PA and said, “Folks, we’ve replaced our pilot today with an il-tempered mountain goat.” Now, you would understandably be a little concerned for your safety. If they followed that announcement with, “Now incase anyone is upset that we’re using an il-tempered mountain goat as a pilot, please don’t worry. Our co-pilot has been replaced with a teddy ruxbin doll.” Are you any less worried? Of course not. My point is that Ryan and Biz are equally terrible at this game so the two of them heading a team will be no more succesful than a mountan goat and a teddy ruxbin doll flying a plane.
In other excitement the battle of The “If we were our own country we’d qualify for IMF loans” State stayed close until Monday night when The Kicking Ben’s and Frank Gore put a classic Poonball beat down on the Scoregasms and captured the top point total for the week. Andrew’s tenure at the top of the leaderboard was expectedly short lived as The Chumguzzlers edged them by six points and then piled on with their defense Monday night. Schaub on my Knob rebounded after a horrific week 1 to dispatch the Corporation who fall to 0-2. And finally last, but certainly least, the Horny Immigrants rolled over Focus on the Abs who really ought to change their motto to “New name, same shit team.”
The I’m the SGA President, get my title right next time award for best smack-talk of the week goes to:
Labrie with, "'I'd like to thank Frank Gore for showing up to the party. I now rule the state of Maine, which can fit like 300 of Charlie RI's" Any time to claim dominion over an entire state, albeit a shitty one, you're going to get the smack talk of the week like 90% of the time.
The Hey Ref! Maybe you have a son that is my age!?! award for lamest smack-talk of the week goes to:
Myself with, "Hitched both of my fantasy teams hopes to the Ryan Matthews train.... I could be in trouble." I hate that type of pussyfooting about when you think you might lose, don't make excuses. I should have none I'd trounce Andrew's band of pansies.
IV. Preview
A battle for the basement between NY Bailout and Focus on the Abs will give us an early leader in the clubhouse of players who can start making vacation plans for the playoffs. Meanwhile, the Corporation is busy denying rumors of massive layoffs as they hope to stave off an 0-3 start at the hands of the Scoregasms. Either the Kicking Bens or Cooter’s Grundel will end the other’s perfect season this week and finally The Chumguzzlers will look to make it 3-0 against the Horny Immigrants which already featured this exchange:
Clance: I always beat teams that start Brandon Tate
Charlie: Really? I always beat team’s whose owners have been arrested for jerking off on the subway multiple times.
V. Conn Memory:
The name sakes for the quote awards above were two great memories from Conn. Dave’s inexplicable shouting at the ref’s and players during the lax games was both sad and hilarious at times. Never more so then the ref / son comment. The collective “what the fuck did he just say?” from the crowd was classic, and I think the ref and a couple players even turned their heads. Not sure how many of you know this follow-up story though.
So two years later we’re watching the ALCS at Dave and Kev’s place in Brighton. I’m re-telling the story to one of bridget’s friends and right as I deliver the line Pete chime’s in, “THAT’S NOT WHAT HE SAID.” I basically tell Pete to shut the fuck up because its my story and, again- I quoted Dave verbatim because it was such a bat-shit crazy non sequitir that it will forever be burned into my memory. But Pete wouldn’t let it go, shocking right? He kept arguing about it, so finally I just said, “Pete, how the fuck would you know, you were obviously on the bench when it happened.” It literally sucked all the air out of the room- Kev was doubled over trying not to laugh and Dave just quietly goes, “wow.” Needless to say I felt a little bit bad, but it did take some of the wind out of Pete’s douchebaggy sails so at the time it seemed worth it. Years later I’m not sure if Pete and I were ever the same after that- that dude holds a grudge like its his job. I take some comfort in the fact that all of us must have slighted him in some way since his wedding party was completely devoid of a single representative from Conn. So I almost certainly would have done something else sooner or later.
Anyway- sorry this one was late again- I'll be back with the poonball update Monday night. And by all means gents, go fuckyourselves.
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