The D's that T- Season 2 - Week 3

Oh hello there. Are you here for a recap of week 3 and a preview of week 4 of the Muff Magicians fantasy football league? If so then by all means step into my office and we’ll chat over a nice cup of ginger ale. If not, then I have to ask what it was you were looking for when you stumbled upon this website. Was it obscure Inuit pornography? It was wasn’t it? You sick fuck. I guess you have turned into the deviant your mother was always afraid you’d turn out to be. But since you’re here anyway have a seat and I’ll tell you a tale of Horny Immigrants, failed poonball attempts, and very attractive women working minimum wage jobs.

But don’t forget, your depravity makes Makittuq the Eskimo Sad:

I. Football Thoughts:

Other than the Pats game and the Monday night game I saw almost no football this weekend. My new piece of shit cable company doesn’t carry the nfl network so I can’t watch my favorite highlight show- once you’ve seen Rich Eisen and Deion Sanders do nfl highlights you really can’t go back to anything else. Its gotten so bad that I set things up at my parent’s house to record the nfl network highlights- see what you’ve done to me full channel cable? I swear to god cable companies in third world countries have a better business model than those assholes. Anyway- I don’t have much to talk about so how about 3 random facts?

1. Drew Bledsoe’s middle name is McQueen. That’s pretty bad ass.

2. Kyle Vanden Bosch where’s red contact lenses to prevent glare. That has to be bullshit right? I mean I don’t doubt he wears them- but prevent glare? He’s fucking d-lineman, what the hell is he worried about glare for? It’s probably just to look like a crazy bastard when he lines up against an opposing tackle. You be the judge:

3. So every team in the nfl plays their divisional opponents twice, each team from an entire division within their conference once, and each team from an entire division in the opposite conference once- and this rotates between divisions each year. But there are still 2 more games to be played. I always thought these remaining 2 games were random but they’re not. Who knows what determines those match-ups? There will be prizes* for correct answers!

*Prizes are actually firm handshakes

II. Random Thoughts:

You ever see a smoking hot chick working a minimum wage job? It’s rare but every once in a while you see one- and I always wonder how that came to be. I mean, I’m not suggesting this girl should automatically be set up for life because of her looks, but I would at least expect her physical features would at least guarantee something better than working as a maid or a cash register at a dunkin' donuts. In my mind I always assume they have some type of criminal record. And you know that that means?

Chained Heat!

In other news I’m like 93% sure the guy in this video is not J-Biz

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyNzt_bINdA

III. Recap:

Well I guess I should start by saying the Chumguzzlers were absolutely dismantled by a red-hot Horny Immigrants team. Not sure if 131 points is a record but it is almost certainly in the top few high scores of all time. That said, much like their owner, the Horny Immigrants tend to blow their load early- so look for Clancy’s squad to put up a 61 in the first round of the playoffs. In the battle for the basement the NY Bailout finally cracked the 60 point mark and took care of Focus on the Abs who now share an 0-3 record with the hapless Corporation who were beaten senseless by Wyley’s team of all people (that has to sting right?). The good news for fans of Paul’s squad is that his team usually waits until later in the year to completely implode so at least they can free up Sunday afternoons for other activities. Who wants to go on a haunted hayride?

Speaking of Paul, Cooter’s Grundel remains the sole unbeaten team in the league after staving off an attempt at a 40 point poonball session by The Kicking Bens. Also the Alize Gin and Juicers took down Schaub on My Knob but who really gives a shit about that.

The “I’m the SGA President, get my title right next time” award for best smack-talk of the week goes to: Preemptively goes to Jay who submitted the following unsolicited graph in an unprovoked shot at Paul. I can’t even begin to describe how happy this makes me but I encourage all of you to particpate in the D’s that T on this level. Can’t argue with statistics, I’ve always said that:

The “Hey Ref! Maybe you have a son that is my age!?!” award for lamest smack-talk of the week goes to: Brett who threw down, I bet you thought this was a done deal...until Schaubster showed up. Really? The schaubster? I mean we get it, your quarterback is fucking matt schaub, he’s the basis for your penile themed name and now you have a pet name for him? Does your wife know about this? Anyway if you’re going to drop lame shit like that try not to get beat by 15 points.

IV. Preview:

Meh. Not much to get excited about so instead I’ll give you a public shaming of THOSE WHO HAVE NOT PAID:

Me, Ryan/Biz, Kurt, and Clancy.

Now Paul is adamant that all our rosters get frozen by Sunday- really he’s desperate for anything to gain some type of cumulative advantage. Sad really. Whatever. As long as people pay before the playoffs I don’t really give a shit. I would have sent my check ages ago but I’m too busy and important. Plus Paul’s girlfriend owes me $86 dollars. True story.

V. Conn Memory:

Raise your hand if you set foot in the Arbo during 4 years of college. I went a total of 3 times. One time when Dave, George and I built a ski-jump after a snow storm, and twice in lady friend related activity. I know we talked about it a long time ago but why didn’t they just turn that fucking thing into a golf course?