The D's that T- Season 2 - Week 4

BEHOLD!

Gentleman may I present THE DOROTHY or by its proper name the SFMABL CUP which is awarded to the winner of the Poonbowl each year. See that? I incorporated all the good naming ideas we have so everybody wins- except perhaps the party who sold me the cup on ebay under the assumption that I intended to preserve it as a girl-scouting collectible. I'm sure Dorothy would be ok with this:

Now since the cup was obtained well-into the league’s history there will be of course a handful of past Poonbowl winners who will not get to display it on their mantle for a full year. There is no way around this BUT should you voyage at any point to the cups current location (Kurt’s apartment as of right now) you are entitled to drink one beer out of the cup for each championship you have won. Kurt and I drank our beers this past weekend; setting off what turned out to be a night of complete debauchery. Hopefully the tradition will hold going forward but suffice to say I’m glad I drank the first three beers since as we all know Kurt has full-blown Feline AIDS.*


*Kurt probably does not in fact have full blown feline AIDS (as far as you know) but he did let on that he’s much to busy to read the D’s that T so this was a test to see if that was true or not. If he doesn’t respond in email to this allegation let us all just assume that he does have full blown Feline AIDS.

I. Football Thoughts
Randy Moss getting traded makes me Sad Vader:

Its still upsetting to even talk about.

II. Random Thoughts
You ever see those dyson vacuum cleaner commercials where the snooty guy talks about how he devoted his life to reinventing the vacuum. Now, I’m sure the dyson is a great product, so much so that I’d like to get one someday and I don’t even vacuum my own apartment; the cleaning lady does so don’t really give a shit how easy my vacuum is to use- but I still want want one.

But that said- devoting your entire life to improving the vacuum? I mean, that’s kind of a lame thing to which to devote your life no? What the fuck was so bad about the old vacuums? Clearly he’s a bright dude- so I don’t know, maybe try devoting your life to something just a little more useful like a double-sided vibrator a solution to oil dependency?

III. Recap
The Chumguzzlers proved they can bounce back from the anal raping that was visited upon them by the Horny Immigrants in week three by demolishing Schaub on my Knaub. Brett didn’t help his cause much by benching his team’s namesake when he found out Andre Johnson wasn’t starting and brought in the NFL’s poster child for whiny over indulged asshole athletes. Now starting Schaub would have only gotten Brett 16 points, and even though it would have also wiped out the -3 that Cutlerfucker earned, he still would have lost by 8- but this was a classic case of a fantasy owner outthinking himself. Oh hey- is this what you see in your head when you picture Brett outthinking himself?

Yeah me too.

Cooters Grundel and The Kicking Bens remained at the top of the league with solid 86 point days but were fortunate in that they got to play league doormats The Corporation and Focus on the Abs. Anyone ever wonder what The Corporation's Headquarters look like?

And finally the Duck Semen Gin and Juicers managed to take-down Multiple Scoregasms in what I'm sure would have been the fantasy equivalent of a Lions v. Seahawks game.

The “I’m the SGA President, get my title right next time” award for best smack-talk of the week goes to: Nothing. Step up your game assholes.

The “Hey Ref! Maybe you have a son that is my age!?!” award for lamest smack-talk of the week goes to: It was all pretty bad but I think Andrew mentioned something about pounding Cooter's grundle.

IV Preview
Once again I'll be turning it over to Jay. He has some trend graphs that will be more interesting once we got a few more weeks in but in the meantime I"ll leave you with his summary analysis which I believe is meant to help us draw the conclusion that his team doesn't fellate livestock:



V. Conn Memory
Ok other than Mr. Brownstone I'd say our music scene was pretty weak. They had those hippy losers who played in that barn behind the tennis courts. I actually called campus safety on them one night Junior year for being loud and untalented. Fucking hippies. Anyway- I wish we had some Hip-Hop acts like these all-stars that I saw on cable access late-night last week. Wiggers!