Holy shit, I haven’t seen this many blowouts since my last trip to Jersey Shore!* The closest game this week was between the Corporation and NY Bailout and even that nail-biter was decided by 18 points. On the other side Kurt managed to weather the Jamal Charles catastrophe while outscoring Labrie to the tune of 55 points. The Powerbottoms, TighterThanDickskin, and Woodhead B. Cheating all eclipsed the century mark. It looks like Andrew has decided to mix things up this year and implode at the beginning of the season as opposed to the playoffs. Way to think outside the box Andrew!
*Now obviously never been to the jersey shore on account of my well-documented allergy to greased-up scumbags and herpes. Don't step on my jokes.
*Now obviously never been to the jersey shore on account of my well-documented allergy to greased-up scumbags and herpes. Don't step on my jokes.
Sad Colts Fan Poor Decision of the Week
To clarify, this goes to any owners who with one start / sit decision could have changed the outcome of their game. Good news this week: not one of the five losers could have used a single move to prevent their respective beat-downs. Most would have needed at least two, and Labrie could have started his bench along with his starters and still lost. So congratulations I guess?
The Don’s Panic Move of the Week
This is a new award for any bone-head free-agency moves or trades. For week 2 Labrie is the winner in recognition of him unloading starting RB and consistent TD producer BenJarvisGreenEllis (aka Boston Legal) in order to pick up underachieving
Random Unrelated Story
So I was in Houston last week for work and remained through the weekend to visit with George & Family. Foolishly, I booked a flight back during the Pats v. Chargers game. I thought I was screwed, since there was almost no way I wouldn’t find out the score if I DVR’ed the game. It turns out that Continental has in-seat direct TV, complete with NFL Redzone. For $7.99 I was going to get to watch the Pats game AND NFL Redzone during the commercials. At the time I probably would have paid $799.99 so no complaints on the price. Also I expensed it.
So I get to the airport a little early and settle in with a couple of cocktails at one of the bars and watch the early games. A little free advice, don’t drink beer at the airport bar before a long flight or you’ll be getting up to piss multiple times. I have a baker's dozen few stoli’s with a splash of soda before my flight is called. I settle into my seat right as the early games are wrapping up. This flight is going to be a breeze.
Right before the half, on Vince Wilfork’s amazing interception I make a wild gesture and almost knock the dentures straight out of the old lady sitting next to me. I apologize, which somehow gives her free reign to talk to me despite my headphones for the next 3 hours. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Here’s what I learned from the elderly woman:
1. She travels all the time and enjoys talking to people (clearly)
2. When traveling in the south she was surprised how polite the ‘negroes’ were (seriously)
3. Her daughter, who is presumably white, is a minority in San Diego.
4. There weren’t so many ‘negroes’ (2nd mention!) or ‘orientals’ where she lived growing up.
5. Her grandsons are stupid.
6. Our generation can’t survive without credit cards.
7. Why does anyone need a cel phone?
8. She walks for two hours a day.
If you’re keeping score at home that’s three inappropriate racial nomenclatures and a solid 10 old person clichés. Anyway, she started playing cards with her old traveling companion (some old dude- they’re not married but totally banging). After the pats finished up I asked her what the game was. They were playing an unnecessarily complicated version of gin rummy known as Kalooki (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kalooki). The only departure from the Wikipedia rules they’ve adopted is that if someone gets the equivalent of ‘gin’ the remaining players owe them a nickel for every card left in their hand.
High stakes! After a brief explanation they dealt me into the game before I even had a chance to politely decline. We’re playing a practice hand and I swear to god the old bastard next to her skipped my turn like I wasn’t even there. Oh it’s on now Old Man River. We played three more rounds before the plane landed and I absolutely wiped the floor with them. The worst part? Those old fucks welshed on the $1.35 they owed me. I should have broken their hips… but they were probably already broken.
Actually the whole thing was great, watching your favorite football team and nfl redzone is a fine way to pass time on a flight but nothing beats talking with a slightly racist elderly woman and then learning a new card game… that you subsequently dominate.
NFL Thoughts
On a similar note to broken hips- good god, football is a violent sport!
NFL Thoughts
On a similar note to broken hips- good god, football is a violent sport!
I swear a solid 25% of the first 30 picks are in some way or other banged up. Jamal Charles is done for the year while Michael Vick is already proving what a liability he can be from an injury standpoint (ironically he was staying in the pocket of all things when he got hurt). Tony Romo, Arian Foster, Vincent Jackson, Miles Austin… all potentially missing time this weekend. It’s almost as if there are serious implications that result from playing a contact sport where savage violence and intense collisions are the norm. Odd!
Contribution from the Reader(s)
None.
That's it gents- I'll see you cunts next tuesday.
Contribution from the Reader(s)
None.
That's it gents- I'll see you cunts next tuesday.
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