Recap
This is coming out so late at this point it's not even worth it. Instead of a recap I'll introduce a new segment:
Gametime Beer Guaranteed to Bring a Patriot Victory:
Jay and I have been working on this for a couple seasons now- there are basically lucky beers and unlucky beers. The key is to build a stable of lucky beers to have during the game so you don't go to any one well too many times. By far the luckiest of them all, based on our research to date, is Spaten Oktoberfest.
I can't recommend this beer enough- ton of taste but not too heavy. American Oktoberfest style beers are generally shit because the breweries try too hard and they end up being too fruity or bitter. The Krauts don't have that problem- and Spaten is basically the number 1 selling beer in Munich during Oktoberfest so why not give it a shot? FYI: Presidente and Brooklyn Oktoberfest have been deemed 'not lucky' after last week's loss.
This is coming out so late at this point it's not even worth it. Instead of a recap I'll introduce a new segment:
Gametime Beer Guaranteed to Bring a Patriot Victory:
Jay and I have been working on this for a couple seasons now- there are basically lucky beers and unlucky beers. The key is to build a stable of lucky beers to have during the game so you don't go to any one well too many times. By far the luckiest of them all, based on our research to date, is Spaten Oktoberfest.
I can't recommend this beer enough- ton of taste but not too heavy. American Oktoberfest style beers are generally shit because the breweries try too hard and they end up being too fruity or bitter. The Krauts don't have that problem- and Spaten is basically the number 1 selling beer in Munich during Oktoberfest so why not give it a shot? FYI: Presidente and Brooklyn Oktoberfest have been deemed 'not lucky' after last week's loss.
Sad Colts Fan Poor Decision of the Week
We actually have two awards this week. The Biz/Ryan abomination could have had their first 3-0 start in franchise history had they started Mark Dirty Sanchez over Cam Newton. Also at the QB position The Corporation could have avoided falling to 9th place by starting Matt Schaub over the injury prone Ron Mexico. The other three losers couldn’t have won with a single move and incidentally, if Wyley had taken the season-to-date total for any of his players instead of the week 3 total, he still would have lost. To clarify, I’m saying that Wyley has a terrible fantasy football team.
The Don’s Panic Move of the Week
Nothing jumps out at me this week, pretty much routine roster maintenance.
Annual Team Name Rankings:
Little bit different criteria this year. I’m not going to be as harsh about names being in a “The Plural Noun” format- but that’s not to say it doesn’t help. Basically I’m judging on humor and overall appeal.
10. Gin and Juicers- This name was never that good to begin with, and to continue to use it after missing the superbowl for like the 10th year in a row is just sad. I find it so disappointing that I refuse to put the name in bold for the rest of the season.
9. Catalina Wine Mixer - Sure the reference is a few years old but the Catalina Wine Mixer scene from Step Brothers remains a classic. In fact, my wireless network at home is called catalinawinemixer.
Catalina fucking wine mixer! This almost would have certainly cracked the top five were it not for Wylie's team name last year, "Multiple Scoregasms." Now I never did the rankings last year but that name struck me as too clever and football related for Wylie by half. I did some investigation into the matter:
I googled "funny fantasy football team names"
The first article that comes up is from About.com . Seriously, who goes to about.com for anything, let alone something that is supposed to be at least a little bit original like their fantasy football name. Interestingly about.com keeps re-updating the article's written date to stay at the top of googles search because the article was clearly written in 2008 (look at the comment dates) and was available when I initially did this search last year. Anyway the author is this goofy fuck:
I skimmed the article briefly and the guy is a complete cheeseball. Seriously, his team name is CanofWhoopass and he should somehow be an authority on the subject? I felt slightly better that maybe Wylie did come up with the name on his own, or if nothing else at least he wasn't so lazy that he just went to the first google search item on funny names that he could find. However, in the comment section, 4th one down, I found this from Ashlee (with two E's!):
Seriously Wylie? You stole a fantasy football team name from some chick who posted it on an about.com article in 2008? For shame! I'm not sure what the appropriate punishment should be for this egregious ethical violation but I feel as though stripping you of naming rights for your own team for a 3 to 5 year period should at least be on the table.
8. NY Bailout - I loved this name last year as it was both geographically and politically relevant at the time. Sadly, NY Bailout didn’t exactly produce a season worth remembering so unless they keep the name for years to come (see Corporation, The) than I can’t endorse this name further.
7. Woodhead B. Cheating- lolwut? Seriously Brett, you should have stuck with TBD because I have no idea what this means.
6. Bagel w/ Butter - Yeesh. Well certainly abandoning Focus on the Abs curtailed the slew of ‘focus on not sucking’ jokes that I had lined up for this season but I’m not sure this is much of an improvement.
5. The Sprinting Bens - Its tough to be too hard on Labrie since his team name is inspired by his son (who happens to share a name with my nephew / godson). That said, it seems like he jumped a few steps in the process. Sprinting? Already? Maybe something more realistic like "The Eats Solid Food Bens" or "The Slept Through The Night Ben's." It also begs the question of whether or not Labrie will continue this tradition for the next couple of decades. Quite frankly after "The Gets an A- in AP Bio Bens" and "The Goes on College Visits* Bens" the whole thing might start to get tiresome.
*Labrie, are you worried that if Ben takes an interest in Conn College someday that the admissions office might pull up a record of your 1,063 unpaid parking tickets from Senior year? At one point I thought the front axle of your volvo was going to snap from the sheer volume of tickets that got piled on your windshield outside of Cro. Seriously, I heard they had to clear cut half an acre from the Arboreum just to make enough paper for your citations.
4. Cooter's Grundel You really can't go wrong with naming your team after the anatomy of an opposing player. Kurt stuck with team name from the prior year which as Superbowl champ is understandable. Speaking of the Superbowl, last season probably wasn't the first or last time Paul was defeated by his own taint.
3. TighterThanDickskin I tend to fall victim to hitting references that not everyone might get but honestly if you're not watching Always Sunny in Philadelphia than I don't know what to say to you:
*Labrie, are you worried that if Ben takes an interest in Conn College someday that the admissions office might pull up a record of your 1,063 unpaid parking tickets from Senior year? At one point I thought the front axle of your volvo was going to snap from the sheer volume of tickets that got piled on your windshield outside of Cro. Seriously, I heard they had to clear cut half an acre from the Arboreum just to make enough paper for your citations.
4. Cooter's Grundel You really can't go wrong with naming your team after the anatomy of an opposing player. Kurt stuck with team name from the prior year which as Superbowl champ is understandable. Speaking of the Superbowl, last season probably wasn't the first or last time Paul was defeated by his own taint.
3. TighterThanDickskin I tend to fall victim to hitting references that not everyone might get but honestly if you're not watching Always Sunny in Philadelphia than I don't know what to say to you:
2. The Corporation - 9 years on the same name deserves a fair amount of credit. Especially when the nickname is reference to a late 90's WWE wrestling faction comprised of the owner, his children, and a stable of heels. Probably a sign of my early political leanings but I always found myself rooting for the Corporation over Stone Cold, D-Generation X, and whatever creepy goth group the under-taker was in. Maybe I just identified with the mean streets of Greenwich:
1. Power Bottoms - This just has everything. It's a plural team name, an always sunny reference (but transcends the TV show better than mine did), and delightfully inappropriate. You see, the bottom can often times generate most of the power:
So congrats Clance. As usual this will likely be the only thing you win this year.
1. Power Bottoms - This just has everything. It's a plural team name, an always sunny reference (but transcends the TV show better than mine did), and delightfully inappropriate. You see, the bottom can often times generate most of the power:
So congrats Clance. As usual this will likely be the only thing you win this year.
Contribution from the Reader(s)
We have one this week! Jay weighs in with this note after last week's Sunday night game:
Couldn't agree more. I had forgotten that Pink did it the first year:
Here's Faith Hill:
I definitely give Hill the edge in this one, and Jay's correct; the guy who originally went with Pink is almost certainly pumping gas... probably along with Pink who I don't think has had a top 40 radio song in years. Anyway, I like the Sunday night football song if for no other reason than I'm convinced that they're inspired by Friday Night's a Great Night for Football from The Last Boyscout:
Greatest movie ever or greatest movie ever?
Ok- back to work. See you cunts next tuesday.
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